Error 1016 on apex domain redirect for over 24 hours

So I moved w5wut.com over to Cloudflare and set up a redirect to my blog. Redirects for any subdomain work just fine:

$ curl -si https://test.w5wut.com | grep location
location: https://zombo.com


However, redirects on the apex domain just throw error 1016 constantly:

$ curl -s https://w5wut.com 
error code: 1016


My DNS records look sane and I used the same example IP address as Cloudflare provides in their documentation (see screenshot).

I've had tons of domains on Cloudflare over the years and this is the first time I've had one of these errors. Am I missing something? 🤔
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