Alright, coming in t
[2024-06-18 06:21:54 AM] : Alright, coming in this morning with an energy but also questions that I’m sure are littered with holes.
Feeling particularly challenged by Amy’s post on “The F*$^ It” moment
Anyways, one of the things that comes up whenever I start pursuing something is friends and family who know me encouraging me to tailor what I do around advocacy/my counseling background.
In one sense that makes finding needs quite easy but at the same time it feels like they are everywhere.
I think I’m overcomplicating things but when I am thinking about videos and branding etc, does personality matter or is the way you ebomb/solve pain going to communicate that?
So I want to do courses. But is it a well intentioned misbelief to think I have to have a ‘differentiator’? In some ways it feels like I’m in my own way, again :sweat_smile:
1 Reply
[2024-06-18 07:46:22 AM] : How far are you into the course and doing the exercises?
[2024-06-18 08:33:58 AM] : I’ve gone through half. But I need to go back through and get a refresher on it
[2024-06-18 09:21:20 AM] : Got ya. Yes it might be worth having a refresher. Have you been able to follow the process in practise? Like finding watering holes and identify your audience pain?
[2024-06-18 09:26:07 AM] : I did but I actually went through it to help someone else :face_with_peeking_eye:
So I know it works. Probably just needed to hear "do the course, Ben"
[2024-06-18 09:26:14 AM] : :sweat_smile:
[2024-06-18 10:11:50 AM] : if it's that easy, "Do the course, Ben"
[2024-06-18 10:11:51 AM] : :wink:
[2024-06-18 10:24:46 AM] : It truly feels like reigning in a bull with my mind. I just get into it and then my mind is in a thousand different directions
Off topic, but does anyone use anything or has anyone found any helps for 'focus'. It's to the point we discussed me going to the doc for getting checked for adhd but I have been reluctant.
[2024-06-18 10:55:05 AM] : i'm not here to tell you you need a diagnosis, but think about it this way: there's a whole world of tools and resources for making things less of a fight at every turn. if that seems worth it, maybe explore those tools even without a diagnosis.
[2024-06-18 10:56:46 AM] : beyond that, I'd also recommend the exercise of inverting your assumptions.
your assumption is "I need to be unique" to succeed. what if the opposite were true? what would that look like? why might it be true?
[2024-06-18 11:00:39 AM] : Do you mind being more specific on the “whole world of tools”?
[2024-06-18 11:01:49 AM] : These are good questions. Hard questions. But good questions. Will do some journaling I think.
[2024-06-18 11:04:18 AM] : ADHD brains respond to inputs and make decisions differently. whether it's first hand resources made by people with ADHD (books, worksheets, techniques, etc) to professional resources (ranging from therapy to science-backed techniques), you dont' have to figure it out on your own.
[2024-06-18 11:05:24 AM] : for answering those questions, i'm curious what your gut reaction answers are. dont' worry about being "right" - just initial response.
[2024-06-18 11:27:20 AM] : well
I know I want to feel that what I do is valuable to others. I want that never silenced voice in my mind to shut up and be satisfied with what I do/have done/can do
Everytime someone tells me "you're good at x,y,z" I think it will be the thing that finally lets me stop looking for something and finally feel the way I expect to feel about doing things that matter
In some ways I know I would "get more done" if I didnt think about uniqueness/feelings and so on. But then there seems to be a death waiting for me on the other side of that door where I enter into a life of mundane
It would probably look like I give up/quit chasing feelings. It might be true because the 'seeking uniqueness' apparently is what actually keeps from doing things.
[2024-06-18 11:57:17 AM] : I certainly have no experience with ADHD so take Alexs steer on this. Personally I can have a butterfly brain at times - jumping from one thing to another, getting to the end of the day going what did I do! But one thing that helped is the Atomic Habits book. Worth a read if you've not done so?
I will probably get in trouble for suggesting this... but given you seem to have an empathy for people (you mention counselling others) and yet have the traits and feelings you mention, I wonder if their is a case for a "discover the solution with me" contribution.
I hesitate because of the sensitive nature. It's not like "join my journey to learn this new software programme" or whatever as this is very personal.
Do the course Ben :rolling_on_the_floor_laughing:
[2024-06-18 01:17:11 PM] : > It might be true because the 'seeking uniqueness' apparently is what actually keeps from doing things.
that's a very astute observation
[2024-06-18 01:20:27 PM] : > In one sense that makes finding needs quite easy but at the same time it feels like they are everywhere.
this line from your original post stands out. Half of it is factual, the other half is a feeling.
[2024-06-18 01:22:43 PM] : > But then there seems to be a death waiting for me on the other side of that door where I enter into a life of mundane
who is it mundane to?
[2024-06-18 01:36:22 PM] : The mundane is my perception of doing things without having the feeling I expect of myself.
And I confess that currently, the thing eating my lunch in this regards, is my day job. The mundane, do the next thing, etc etc feels like death and for some reason I am placing that same mental process on this work/process
[2024-06-18 01:38:39 PM] : I understand
[2024-06-18 01:39:01 PM] : have you ever experienced doing the thing you do for a day job but on your own?
[2024-06-18 01:47:53 PM] : I love software on my own and exploring building different things and then creating something and moving on. Doing it at for a 9-5 within a very specific domain/problem is where I think the primary struggle is
[2024-06-18 01:49:35 PM] : i might be confused - can we be specific about the option you're resisting (that friends and family suggest), and what you do for a day job?
[2024-06-18 01:50:06 PM] : > one of the things that comes up whenever I start pursuing something is friends and family who know me encouraging me to tailor what I do around advocacy/my counseling background.
[2024-06-18 01:50:23 PM] : i thought this was your day job, since it's the suggestion you are talking yourself out of.
[2024-06-18 01:58:36 PM] : sorry I wasn't clear on that. The two tend to interweave I suppose though.
My day job is software engineer. But as I have continually be flustered with it friends and family were trying to ask if there was a way I could tailor my job, or the stuff I think I would like to do (coding, courses, etc), to have that element of advocacy/counseling in it
[2024-06-18 01:59:20 PM] : that sounds like 30x500 compatible advice
[2024-06-18 02:04:37 PM] : my recommendation would be to revisit the material for sure, but more specifically, to remember that choosing an audience isn't the same a choosing a destination.
re-reading this, it seems like you're preoccupied with the end product (which you can't determine until you've done the groundwork of sales safari anyway) and letting it stop you at the starting line.
[2024-06-18 02:05:46 PM] : another lens to consider, along the lines of what Samir said: your background in advocacy & concealing is MORE than enough to give you a "unique" lens on anything you create, and more specifically, how you help people
[2024-06-18 02:07:11 PM] : if you worry less about "doing it right" and more about using the 30x500 techniques as a way to systematically help people that a) you're well suited to help and b) are aware of their problems, its tough to go wrong.
[2024-06-18 02:08:36 PM] : dang, the "doing it right" punches me right in the teeth. That stops me from a whole lot of things because either I know someone who knows better, someone who knows the right way, or just know that it may not be 100% fool proof and I shut down.
[2024-06-18 02:09:34 PM] : And like you said, and its a good word, that I am preoccupied with what the end product will be and can never determine it, which as we say it out loud is a 'duh' in that I cannot read the future
[2024-06-18 02:09:52 PM] : most of what you're asking can't be answered until you start.
[2024-06-18 02:10:06 PM] : so the only answer is to get comfortable with the imperfection by doing it imperfectly.
[2024-06-18 02:10:11 PM] : :man-facepalming:
[2024-06-18 02:10:39 PM] : ^^ that was in response to 'most of what you are asking can't be answered until you start'.
[2024-06-18 02:12:01 PM] : Well hopefully this long conversation and help from alex and Samir can also be helpful to someone else! Always happy to work through things especially if it can be of benefit to others.
Thanks!
[2024-06-18 02:13:01 PM] : you're welcome - but before you run off with a thanks, whatcha gonna do with this information/understanding?
[2024-06-18 02:16:12 PM] : I started going through the course again today. So main thing I think is disciplining myself to do the homework and take my time.
And I think from there, as far as who I look to help, is trust that the process will bubble up the pain of those I want to help.
[2024-06-18 02:18:06 PM] : good deal :smile:
remember: the only ways to do this "wrong" are to a) ignore the basic audience criteria or b) avoid making a choice so you can start.
[2024-06-18 02:22:48 PM] : My only add to this is think of yourself as a researcher. Forget anything else. Just go and see what people are saying they’re struggling with. That’s if for now. I bet you’ll be surprised
[2024-06-18 02:23:02 PM] : great advice :point_up: