Horrible Desync

me and my friend have been trying to play together, but out of nowhere, whoever isn't the host suddenly experience insane desync and lag; enemies become unkillable and they start teleporting all over the place. what really confuses me is that i'll restart my pc or the game and like 3 times out of 10 it'll fix it for an hour and it comes back. me posting here is my last resort, as ive done literally fucking everything to try and fix this, here's a list of all I've tried.
-reading the FAQ
-disabling every single mod, it still happens if im vanilla in tmodloader, not on just normal vanilla terraria though.
-restarting PC and the game
-switching who hosts the world, whoever joins experiences the same problems.
-verifying file integrity
-deleting & reinstalling
-switching wifi networks, i'm neighbors with my cousin and I used theirs, still had the same issue. I will use this opportunity though to point out that me and my friend have gigabit internet with a high upload
-fucking factory resetting my PC
-enabling port forwarding via our routers
-following this guide: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2923672646
literally NONE of these worked, ive never had an issue as persistent as this and id really appreciate yall's help with this as i just wanna play calamity with my friend.

modlist incase it somehow helps:
[
"CoolerItemVisualEffect",
"LogSpiralLibrary",
"ColoredDamageTypes",
"BetterZoom",
"SubworldLibrary",
"Fargowiltas",
"CalamityMod",
"BossChecklist",
"OreExcavator",
"WMITF",
"RecipeBrowser",
"BossBagInventoryGlow",
"MagicStorage",
"SerousCommonLib",
"AlchemistNPCLite",
"SummonsUI",
"DPSExtreme",
"InfernumMode",
"CalamityModMusic",
"ClamExtraMusic"
]
This pretty much makes it so you can play infernum/normal calamity in multiplayer, Flawlessly ....
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