Insecurities - Topic of the day 4/23/24

Did you ever experience any insecurity when you started getting into fashion, whether it be about what someone might say, or how a certain garment or outfit looked on you? How did you navigate that? What advice do you have?
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122 Replies
awburkey
awburkey2mo ago
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Confuzzler
Confuzzler2mo ago
i think eventually, the love or satisfaction with my outfit eventually surpassed any insecurities. but now im insecure when im wearing a outfit that im not happy with. from an outside perspective that outfit could be more tame than what ive worn before, but the insecurity kinda switched from outside influences to my own. which i feel like in the end is better
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
"did i experience any insecurity when istarted getting into fashion" discovers mfa as an obese queer black person uh...you could say that
rej
rej2mo ago
taking my most recent round of fit battle pics with a tripod in a public place was a real cluster of imposter/insecurity/shame lmao
Sam Bam Thank You Maam
I have historically been extremely self-conscious, and I've tended toward boring basics for that reason. I think part of it is that I don't really like feeling noticed, and part of it is fear that I'll be seen as a "poser" or something. Not to mention gendered aspects of clothes being difficult for me to navigate. I've worked through a lot of it -- I wear patterns and colors now! -- but there's always work for me to do. I have at least one item in my closet I haven't worn yet because I'm scared people will think it looks stupid or something
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
i wish i could say i figured out some inner strength and blazed mu own path but instead there was a long vicious cycle of buying shitty clothes while still fedling miserable and some maybe disordered behavior related to body image that we don't need to get into
Scott
Scott2mo ago
i think ive come along way since being a teenager worrying if a flannel was appropriate for high school
Confuzzler
Confuzzler2mo ago
did you feel this because of the outfit or because your were taking photos in public? im still too shy to take photos in public lol, but i dont think that has to do with my outfit
QLOSET
QLOSET2mo ago
I think a big insecurity in fashion is always going to come when you enter a community space and feel like you're an outlier. I think this place does a wonderful job of embracing differences and still being steezy
Sam Bam Thank You Maam
I tried wearing a pair of leather boots to high school once and got made fun of for it (they were very loud and not very good boots)... so i stopped trying until much later
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
what happened honestly was covid; between the masks and quarantining and the fact i was an essential worker i just stopped caring about how i looked or was perceived, then when i realized the world wasn't ending i still didn't care about how I perceived but instead wanted to dress better for myself, which led to learning more about brands, which led to getting more comfortable about fashion in general
rej
rej2mo ago
the outfit by all accounts is pretty tame, but it was more lookbooky than an actual day to day fit... carrying around textbooks and doing rehearsed walks back and forth to the camera as well.
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
i will say i felt a little trepidation taking the fit battle pic this round because it was in a public place but i just kinda pretended it was a fashion shoot of sort and ig everyone around us thought so too lol; it felt a little more like cosplaying than an actual fit which helped
Weeg
Weeg2mo ago
Yeah unless i have a buddy w me i get nervy taking fit pics outside
Confuzzler
Confuzzler2mo ago
i feel like its became a lot more normalized which is great, having someone take the photos would also help
rej
rej2mo ago
i'd just deny deny deny
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Confuzzler
Confuzzler2mo ago
yup, i tried to do it once by myself. took the shittiest pic but didnt want to do it again so just deleted it lol
Weeg
Weeg2mo ago
Doing it with a friend is highly recommended. It becomes a fun cool activity to do together
rej
rej2mo ago
with the exception of 2 fits i took yeeeeears ago, i've taken every one of mine on my own with my cell phone. my wife would take some if i asked but i feel like this is a 'me' thing
Weeg
Weeg2mo ago
Logically i know that absolutely nobody cares
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
i think we can be our own harshest critics a lot of the time which impacts things
Confuzzler
Confuzzler2mo ago
oh whaat, always assumed there was someone behind the camera
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
see: me always wearing an undershirt or never wearing a tank top as outerwear despite positive affirmations otherwise
rej
rej2mo ago
nope
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Sal
Sal2mo ago
A little insecurity with fashion is a normal and healthy thing imo A bit of distance between how you look and how you want to look can be a good motivating factor, but too much can feel daunting and stop progression
Confuzzler
Confuzzler2mo ago
at a certain point is progression necessary once you've found what you like?
Sal
Sal2mo ago
Oh no progression is never necessary People don't have to care more about clothing/style, and most don't!
aweogiahew
aweogiahew2mo ago
Had an interesting convo with the gf about how she doesn't understand why a discord server is needed for these conversations and fit checks because she can message any of her girl friends and get the same thing. Caring about fashion and how you look isn't very normalized in male social circles, and that definitely causes insecurities. It's easy to feel like you're not supposed to care or you're supposed to hide it.
rej
rej2mo ago
I've kind of nestled into my little niche/safe space. That space may shift in some areas but it'll probably be about where I live for the foreseeable future
Sam Bam Thank You Maam
eh, i think this very much depends on the friend group among women
Scott
Scott2mo ago
i would say most of my friends just dont care, its not something that causes insecurity, its just not a topic.
rej
rej2mo ago
A lot of men people in general don't have these relationships within their guy friend groups
artvandelayimporting
the thing I was most insecure about was participating in an online fashion space tbh
Confuzzler
Confuzzler2mo ago
hmm i might disagree there personally, cause i feel like you can still care about clothing and style while not exactly progressing.
artvandelayimporting
taking fit pics irl is one thing but posting them online I think is far more daunting
Smiles
Smiles2mo ago
i just want to talk to someone about my hobby and my friends don't care about clothing simple as they all know im into it obviously i've had insecurity have you seen how i dress
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
yup; friends and family tend to be more accepting even if i brick(the halo effect in action)
artvandelayimporting
in the days of yore I would only post fit and it wasn't until the discord format that I felt comfortable interacting with the space in any other capacity
Smiles
Smiles2mo ago
took a bit to get used to taking the want of wearing loud clothes and the actually wearing eyecatching clothes in public since it obviously draws a lot of attention thats the point
Sal
Sal2mo ago
important to note that "progress" here is intensely subjective and personal, like someone can be doing more style progress just reading and learning than going out and buying clothing
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
is that "caring about clothing and style" or caring about your clothing and style?
artvandelayimporting
once you get past the fact that bricking fits is part of the process everything gets a lot easier
punchouli
punchouli2mo ago
Insecure about my bad photos, im just in general bad with a camera and am envious of some of you
Confuzzler
Confuzzler2mo ago
ah okay, that makes sense!
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
that isn't meant to be judgmental but rather a distinction between fashion as an area for personal improvement and fashion as a hobby
Smiles
Smiles2mo ago
also im so bad at dressing slutty, that still makes me so self-conscious, had to sell the mesh tee i got cause i couldn't wear it
Confuzzler
Confuzzler2mo ago
i think i had a misconception of what progression exactly meant, moreso as a hobby because i think at this point a lot of us are past the personal improvement part
Sal
Sal2mo ago
hell yeah slutty came up we could do a whole thread about just this
Smiles
Smiles2mo ago
i know i couldn't do art's fit from ro32
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
paradoxically dressing slutty got easier as i got older lmao
Sal
Sal2mo ago
wear a suit?
Smiles
Smiles2mo ago
the shirt lol
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
part of it is not being obese for sure but the other part is realizing the distinction between being stylish and provocative (stolen from antm of all places)
aweogiahew
aweogiahew2mo ago
True, this is purely anecdotal 😅
Smiles
Smiles2mo ago
wearing the shirt like 90% open without an undershirt. Its completely in my head obviously
Sal
Sal2mo ago
just take it one button at a time bud you're not gonna die
Smiles
Smiles2mo ago
we'll work on it this summer i want the ALD mesh polo so
aweogiahew
aweogiahew2mo ago
I also thought so with my friends, but I sort of found out it was just that we don't talk about it with each other
Sal
Sal2mo ago
i like this dichotomy, and think it sheds some light on how provocative is really in the eye of the beholder
awburkey
awburkey2mo ago
honestly motivating af I would love a real discussion about dressing provocatively/slutty but idt this community is quite the right space for it.
artvandelayimporting
fuck it let's see what happens I'll throw it in totd
Sam Bam Thank You Maam
yeah, 100%. I just sometimes feel like a lot of men think women's friend groups are pretty monolithic but they vary a lot
awburkey
awburkey2mo ago
I mean it's gonna be a big discussion about what everyone "finds attractive" which isn't the point at all. Might as well try tho
artvandelayimporting
worst case I just ban a whole bunch of people
awburkey
awburkey2mo ago
@ everyone then kick off the thread :letsfuckinggo:
Confuzzler
Confuzzler2mo ago
There's that one thread as a reference lol Dressing slutty should be better though rather than focusing on the sexy part since it gets rid of that subjectiveness aspect of it.
Sal
Sal2mo ago
I think it's worse actually lol Because there's all these vague taboo notions tied to it Plus it's two separate conversations about what's slutty on me vs what's slutty others that are linked by personal and vaguely defined boundaries with lots of carve outs
artvandelayimporting
I guess we'll just see what happens in 48 hours
Sal
Sal2mo ago
can we do it friday morning at 9 i'll be bored on the train then
artvandelayimporting
yeah I'll rearrange them
Sal
Sal2mo ago
swag ty
jplicks
jplicks2mo ago
Jumping back a bit to the taking fitpics in public discussion; the other solution is just move to nyc where this is a totally normal activity
rebound2
rebound22mo ago
always me
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Weeg
Weeg2mo ago
The big thing ive been running against recently which i dont think has a good solution: i am a very blue collar boy who lives in a very blue collar neighborhood. I really love how i look in suits but i dont wear them with any sort of frequency anymore because i feel so out of place in my environment in them
mewball
mewball2mo ago
i have the reverse experience where wearing swag just makes me feel more confident and cooler than everyone else who isnt putting that shit on part of this is probably just informed by my intro to fashion through rick owens because to wear rick in public you have to stop caring what people not into fashion think but like i don't feel any sort of way if the dude in terrible elastic chinos doesn't fw the fit. i assume like a solid percentage of people think i look stupid and that's their loss
Smiles
Smiles2mo ago
i've gotten closer to this as i've put shit on, though nowhere close to you i have enough "weird" things about my appearance that caring strongly about what others think would be counterproductive
Weeg
Weeg2mo ago
I had that mindset when i lived downtown It definitely has faded in the last couple years
awburkey
awburkey2mo ago
As with everything else, it as to do with your goals. I don't mind being perceived generally, but it has to be the right amount. And it's super context dependent Ethan has a few blog posts about "main character energy"
Weeg
Weeg2mo ago
Im much more choosy now about when i go for it totally
mewball
mewball2mo ago
i was also in the bay area where literally no one cares about how they look so i was still puttin that shit on for me
Sal
Sal2mo ago
caring what others think is okay to do dude
artvandelayimporting
me irl
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Sal
Sal2mo ago
you just gotta strike a good balance
Smiles
Smiles2mo ago
i just have shit communication i care some but its filtered through who cares and what
Yakkeks
Yakkeks2mo ago
I think I had the usual "this is to cool for me" hangup many of us have. Still having it tbh, but im working on it. Apart from that there are just some occasions where I need to force myself looking at inspo pics because they just make me feel inadequate. That being said, that is also tied up with gender and body bs.
zeometer
zeometer2mo ago
for the longest time it was hard to source inspo, initially because but spun it into a form of self-loathing now moreso because of my natural tendency to compare things. one reason i like the discord is that it's easier to see the person behind the fit as a person (and usually one willing to answer questions) rather than as an abstraction
Yakkeks
Yakkeks2mo ago
Yeah, I really appreciate that as well. Makes it much easier. you see more than that tiny curated sliver of an image
Yakkeks
Yakkeks2mo ago
reminds me of the first time I wore my full cinnamon corduroy suit (to an antifascist protest) and promptly got interviewed by TV lol
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mewball
mewball2mo ago
swag: on
Yakkeks
Yakkeks2mo ago
thanks
Sal
Sal2mo ago
sweet boots
Yakkeks
Yakkeks2mo ago
unfortunately the pants are a bit to short, fortunately they still have some fabric folded inside of them, so maybe that can still be fixed. Although Im noticing that I prefer to wear the jacket as a separate, because it maybe a bit too much orange as a full suit lol they were propably my first really fashion conscious decision. I agonized over buying them for like 3 months lol
jawntanamo_bae
jawntanamo_bae2mo ago
You put that shit on
Sam Bam Thank You Maam
i still get self-conscious about the shopping part of things tbh. I guess I don't feel like I "belong" either in fashion spaces or in men's spaces or what, idk
jawntanamo_bae
jawntanamo_bae2mo ago
When I was in my teens and early 20s much of my interest in fashion stemmed from insecurity. I wanted to look cooler than I felt and my style was always driven by that impetus. Counterintuitively, I bricked most of my fits because of this. As I’ve gotten older, my insecurities have shifted to other things so now I just wear what I like because I know I’m cool. I think that insecurity around the way you dress is pretty common, but it’s how you approach it that makes the difference. IMO if you let insecurity drive your fits you’ll brick a whole lot more, but if you wear what you like in spite of insecurity you’ll get a lot more fits off. Appreciate you sharing that. You do certainly belong here at least
Sam Bam Thank You Maam
Yeah, this place has always felt welcoming! I appreciate you all
eggtart!
eggtart!2mo ago
I never got into fashion earlier bc I thought that having man boobs (medical conditions) would make it pointless, but I've definitely grown to the point where it's not worth caring about that the way I used to. It's more of a matter of learning how to manipulate variables to my favor, like wearing oversized, darker colors or just thicker materials such that it doesn't distract me and amplify those preconceived notions I think rigit now I'm being held back by the notion of not being comfortable with wearing stuff like mesh even though I want to, though I also think it's gonna be a minor speed bump more than anything It's more effortless to just do things that are faithful to yourself rather than try to pretend to be someone you're not I think it also helps to consider that social norms have their own gravitational pull but nothing about conformity (or deviance) dictates that it's inherently good or bad. It's different and doesn't need to be compared the way that people often make moral judgements on fits that "deviate"
OceanicEternity
OceanicEternity2mo ago
I would really like to see the discussion. But it really would be a case of "mods, get the ban hammer ready."
yurt
yurt2mo ago
the degree to which you resemble me is freaking me out
jawntanamo_bae
jawntanamo_bae2mo ago
You have to duel
OceanicEternity
OceanicEternity2mo ago
Hmmm. A lot of my insecurities inform my fashion. For example... One thing I am insecure about is the fact that the vast majority of my peers are studying full time and being supported by their parents. Whereas I'm studying full time and working 30hrs on top of that to make ends meet. Or like... The fact that I really want to travel. And occasionally my peers are discussing going to Europe over summer and I'm like... Damn. I spent my summer slaving away in a factory. I look at clothes as a kind of way of feeling good about myself and how I look. I... Often can't do much. But I can be proud of my clothes.
adaptation
adaptation2mo ago
been saying this since forever its really funny
yurt
yurt2mo ago
they've been on the server like a week?
adaptation
adaptation2mo ago
since the first fit whenever it was
Yakkeks
Yakkeks2mo ago
#separatedatbirth What kind of duel though?
jawntanamo_bae
jawntanamo_bae2mo ago
Fit battle of course
Yakkeks
Yakkeks2mo ago
(pretty certain I would lose, but thats all right :D)
Spuck
Spuck2mo ago
Oh man, this was me 10000%
Spuck
Spuck2mo ago
Evander Berry Wall
Evander Berry Wall (January 14, 1861 – May 4, 1940) was a New York City socialite and later an American expatriate in France during the Belle Époque and beyond. He was famous for his extravagantly refined look and was crowned "King of the Dudes" in the 1880s.
OceanicEternity
OceanicEternity2mo ago
Wall ascribed his longevity to the fact he never saw physicians and always drank champagne[13] instead of water, claiming that "There are more old drunkards than there are old doctors."[
Spuck
Spuck2mo ago
Can't argue with facts like that
Yakkeks
Yakkeks2mo ago
I mean if you consider 19th century physicians he might have had a point lol
OceanicEternity
OceanicEternity2mo ago
I'm trying to figure out what shoes he is wearing
lynn/lyon
lynn/lyon2mo ago
i’m still like…really really insecure about discussing the fact that i’m forced to wear women’s shoes here (not necessarily in style but in size) just because the trans life is hell when it comes to sizing shoes in particular. it’s why i keep going “my feet are small” and such. i know this place is accepting and yet!! my brain is mean
mewball
mewball2mo ago
iktf in the opposite direction when i have to wear mens shoes 😩
lynn/lyon
lynn/lyon2mo ago
i’m still trying to figure out how to help my homegirl get some heels in her big sized-for-men’s-shoes feet. i see people in skirts here though and it makes me less “aaaaaa” about it at least
mewball
mewball2mo ago
yeah it sucks. i found one pair of heels that work for me and i will do my best to never let them go
kyn
kyn2mo ago
the answer is obvious :rickohbaby:
yurt
yurt2mo ago
real as hell
lynn/lyon
lynn/lyon2mo ago
also the reason i haven’t been posting fitpics is a combo of poor camera setup and all of my jeans are skinny and there’s a 60/40 on it giving me dysphoria about it or not so tack that on the list too lmao