mfad•2y ago

How do I change my mindset to dressing for myself rather than others?

So I’m 17 years old and recently began getting into fashion, more specifically street wear with like baggy and vintage pieces. After doing some research on what sort of style / colors would look good on me, I bought a few pieces which I really liked.

Today I put together my first fit that I genuinely loved, especially with how everything fits on me. However, something felt off because I just went to run a few errands, and none of my friends saw my outfit.

That initial disappointment made me realize I was sort of dressing for others rather than myself, and that’s definitely not the mindset I want to have coming into fashion.

I’ve always been concerned about what others thought of my clothes, so I felt the need to seek validation, but I want to change that up entirely so that I’m able to dress how I like without feeling like others’ opinions are required, even if it’s just wanting them to see the outfit.

I want to be able to wear what I like and be at peace with my opinion of the outfit alone. I know it’s just clothes so it’s not that deep at the end of the day, but some advice would be really helpful!

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:16 PM

Post it for strangers on the internet /s

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:16 PM

I mean i think the core of it is to see myself in the mirror and have it make me happy

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:16 PM

outfitwise

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:17 PM

but fashion is inherently a performative thing, so i think "noone seeing my outfit" is a valid reason to be disappointed and doesn't mean you aren't dressing for yourself

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:18 PM

people tend to mean dressing in a way thats true to you when they say that, instead of dressing for external validation if that makes sense

zeometer•6/26/24, 4:19 PM

+1 to everything smiles has said

zeometer•6/26/24, 4:22 PM

One thing that's helped me is to put on a fit regardless of the reason. I work from home mostly but will dress up (by which I mean "put effort into") to go to Starbucks or Trader Joe's or the eye doctor; it frames putting on clothes as an automatic decision rather than one dependent on who you see.

zeometer•6/26/24, 4:22 PM

This kinda gets into it in far nicer words https://alittlebitofrest.com/2023/02/19/what-is-an-occasion/

a little bit of restEthan M. Wong

What Is An Occasion?

Is getting boba an Occasion? Yes! Is it dumb to wear a cool fit to do it? No! You can bet your ass I’m going to wear clothes I love to do a thing I enjoy.

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:30 PM

nah fuck that

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:30 PM

that article is in the same vein but its misleading cause its about menswear

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:30 PM

this aint that

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:31 PM

anyway its ok to want people to see your outfit thats an extremely normal part of dressing

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:31 PM

doesn't mean you aren't dresing for yourself

warpweftwatergate•6/26/24, 4:33 PM

It took me a long time to realize that confidence isn’t wearing something that other people like, it’s being comfortable in what you’re wearing and not giving a single fuck about what anyone else thinks of that outfit. If YOU are happy with it, everyone else’s opinion does not matter

SSmiles that article is in the same vein but its misleading cause its about menswear

zeometer•6/26/24, 4:48 PM

The article is specifically related to what I mentioned not a dogmatic stance on a particular way to dress.

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:50 PM

no shit ive read the damn article and linked it to people

Smiles•6/26/24, 4:50 PM

i stand by what i said

Shaun•6/26/24, 4:50 PM

Is it difficult to differentiate between what you like and what you think your friends like?

carrion•6/26/24, 6:01 PM

respectfully (to them) idgaf what my friends like on my body. They dress like shit.

carrion•6/26/24, 6:01 PM

Love them but jesus

carrion•6/26/24, 6:02 PM

Honestly a big thing is reconciling with the fact that people wear things you won't like, and being supportive of (or at least cool with) that fact. It'll help you get to a point where you aren't constantly looking for outside validation because you also aren't trying to constantly validate others IME

carrion•6/26/24, 6:04 PM

Like I dress to be cute and hot and that's entirely reliant on other people's perceptions of me, but I also think that people who don't think I'm cute or hot are wrong and that's between them and god. There's a lot of interplay between confidence, self-assurance, and a realistic sense of what do I value vs what do other people value

Talbot•6/26/24, 6:22 PM

Put things on that you like and make you happy ez

zeometer•6/26/24, 7:09 PM

Only other thing I'll add is it might take time to get to that point - it took me to 35 to get okay with enjoying wearing clothes without also worrying so much about how I was perceived.

zeometer•6/26/24, 7:11 PM

The things you like about clothes - how they fit, how you think you look in them, what they mean to you - and wearing those sorts of clothes are what indicate you're dressing for yourself, and as long as you keep doing that you'll still dress for yourself, regardless of it other people are into it or not.