Self-doubt and low self-esteem: why?? - Roblox Forum
I used to be a fairly confident kid when I was younger. I would be making friends and be an overall lively person. I would also used to show off the drawings I made and stuff. It all changed when I became 11 and I just.. became more private as a person. I was only confident when some people are around me and I found it hard to bring myself to be more proud of the things I do as well as academics, making me doubt myself during examinations and tests. I hated every inch of it. I want to just stop rhe self-doubting, the hate for my own works.. I usually joke around about these but it's killing me inside and I want to be more confident about myself and my daily life. I don't want to be afraid of being judged, being commented on. I want to feel free. It feels like a bunch of heavy chains bringing me down telling me "I'm not good enough" or "your stuff suck" etc. I want to be happier. I'm already happy, but I don't want to feel chained or caged. I want to be free. I have never really shared any of my stuff online until sometime during May when I did the avatar things. Before that was me never really putting in effort into the crap I do. I just thought I should be "humble", which I never was to begin with, and not put in effort into the things I do. I want to put in effort into the things I do because I believe that what I must do is my best. I wanted to strive for perfection. Ever since that avatar thing, I have became a little more confident, but the fear of being judged, being commented, critiqued, insultes was still there. I never cared about how others feel about me until recently. Is it the expectations? My strive for perfection? Is it the fact that others better than me are here on this site? What am I, really, to myself? There have been people who have been supporting me since the beginning and even since just a few months ago, but... am I really good? Do I deserve the title? Again, self-doubt. Why do
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keep doubting myself? Nobody ever seem to realise I never call myself an artist or call my drawings "art". I either refer to myself as someone who draws and stuff. My father, my mother, even my sister, they have all said I'm becoming better but am I really good? Things I keep asking myself because I'm not sure. I don't know. I need people to tell me I am to feel better. But should I change? Yes! I should become more confident, more open about myself and bring myself up, not with the help of only others and people around me. I am my only hater as far as I know. I am the only one who questions my works, myself, my academics. But why do I think others will comment? Is it my fault? Is it from others stories? Is it from what I've been influenced by? I easily feel inferior when others who do what I do are around. And even more when the people whom I am talking to are either better or are on the same level. Believe it or not, I feel inferior to 1Sugar. She's just better than me in my eyes despite having the art of an advanced 10-year-old. I'm 13, I should feel better about myself, right? No. That's wrong, but it should help me feel better, right? Screw it and screw you, I don't. I see potential, ability to improve, but on myself... I don't know what I'm seeing. It's a foggy mirror thst I can clean. It's blurry, clouded and I hate it. I loathe it. I want to be better, I want to feel better. But I don't know why I can't feel better. I don't even share my freaking drawings or things I do with my classmates because of the fear of being judged. I hate going outside because of the fear of being judged. I just want to get rid of the feeling entirely. I'll update you once I get rid of that dreaded feeling.
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