Receiving Advice - Topic of the day 10/2/25
People love giving advice, but sometimes even though it is well meaning, it isn’t actually good advice. How do you choose to listen to some advice vs others? How do you know it’s not the blind leading the blind? How can you ask a question in such a way as to get good advice?
15 Replies
if its mfad i look at from user: has file: in waywt
Advice/Feedback to me is less an exercise in "I should incorporate this immediately because I was told to". Someone provides a suggestion and then you have to evaluate it yourself on whether it rings true within your or not. But the cool thing IMO is if you engage with feedback in this way even mediocre or straight up bad advice can still give you insight because you'll come away more confident on your own perspectives having earnestly challenged them, and sometimes give you a new way to think about things that you hadn't considered before.
Advice was pretty hard for me to take, I’ve always been some sort of a rebel. With advice you’re not sure if you’re getting good or bad stuff, but one thing that helps is understanding what prompted it, often that helps me understand the advice much better. If it’s meant for me or if it’s just poppycock.
I just say thanks a lot and figure it out after. Most of the time (not always) if a lot of people say the same thing it’ll probably be helpful somehow.
I'm really bad at asking for and taking feedback because of my own hangups and mental health stuff. I tend to take all perspectives as equal which is obviously silly, but it stems from rejection sensitive dysphoria and OCD and other stuff I don't really want to get into because it's off topic. With style and fashion in particular it's hard because I don't have strong preferences with things like cut/silhouette—I've had outfits I like that are overall slim and that lean relaxed, which arguably puts you in a bit of a jack-of-all-trades master of none situation. And while I do know that I don't like the look of everything baggy and wide for myself at least, I don't dismiss feedback from people who have a strong preference for that look because I know they know more than me
tldr i really should ask for feedback but im just bad at taking it
that probably-too-personal stuff being said, i read this recently and it feels maybe relevant (for myself at least) https://katielotz.substack.com/p/embarrassment-has-good-bones
Embarrassment Has Good Bones
When I try to think of the last time that I truly embarrassed myself, I want to point to something silly, like a few weeks ago when, while grabbing a coffee in a small, crowded shop, I sat down in a broken chair and experienced the first Honest-to-God, Ass-Over-Teakettle fall that I have had in probably my entire adult life.
FUCK
I feel like I’m afraid to ask for feedback on my outfits because I don’t want to get torn to shreds
I feel like I have a pretty good handle on what I like and what I don’t like, but as a result sometimes when I try to be experimental it’s a hard no. My partner vetoes some outfits I try to wear 😂
nobody here will flame u, jsyk. if they do they get kicked
like for outfits anyway, anything can happen in #fashion that shit is crazy
I get the self consciousness anyway though, it took me a while to feel comfortable in how I style myself enough to feel like I can take the feedback productively and not have low self confidence and take reasonable criticisms or thoughts way too personally
During the early days of this server, I had some (honestly, pretty embarrassing) interactions where I got defensive after receiving advice that I had freaking asked for. In my case, it was because I felt self-conscious that I didn't already know something that seemed to be really obvious to other people (Don't go searching for these posts, I already deleted them).
Over time, I've seen other people have similar reactions. I think for a lot of people, especially people who are neurodivergent like I am, it can be tough to be humble without becoming self-effacing, so we sometimes go the opposite direction. If anyone reading this feels the urge to have a reaction like that, just remember that nobody's born knowing any of this shit, and there's no time you're supposed to have anything figured out.
Maybe I’ll just ask for advice on all my fits and see how it goes
I do love the fits that you’ve posted if it means anything 🙂
it always does, it was also just the result of really persistently engaging with it enough to feel confident in how I'm expressing myself.
I'll also recommend for anyone who doesn't feel in a place where they can take feedback on the regular, make a fit doctor thread in #questions-and-advice with some examples of your own fits that you like, don't like, some inspo, etc, to get more general and high level advice, I've found it easier to engage with those since it happens really all at once, and like the process of making the post itself requires a good amount of introspection.
I’ll take it as a test to grow thicker skin with criticism. I started posting bass videos not too long ago and overall it’s been perceived very well, but a few random comments on things I worked really hard on sucked
One of the things that has really changed from the subreddit is advice and feedback. Back then people were quite liberal with sharing their thoughts, mixed with a bit of trolling.
Quite interesting to see how strongly that shifted with the move over to Discord.