How do I become a man that people respect simply by the way I dress, and present myself?
I view myself as invisible, I don't stand out in the crowd and I think that's how others view me to. I'm just a low status individual who gets dirty easily, doesn't really have the greatest hygiene practice thanks to a collection of bad habits, and I'm pretty chaotic in daily life.
How can I get myself more organized and better utilize my time, one second I'm doing this and another that. It's hard to focus.
I want to be a man people respect, and fashion and self care is a big part of that. Help me get there or point me in the right direction so I can help myself.
Thanks for your time.
43 Replies
This is a little out of the purview of the server tbh, respecting yourself is the first step though imo
MFA can help you put together a wardrobe or give you tips on clothing and styling that clothing, but as bishop says we can't really help you grow as a person, organize you, develop your self respect, or make you more respected by others
Okay I'll keep it on topic, I just wanted advice on how I could utilize fashion to help me feel more confident in myself
I would honestly say that fashion is an expression of feeling confident and comfortable in oneself, not vice versa.
If you just want a way to look presentable with minimal effort check out the "basic bastard" in #fashion-guides - it's a decent starter pack and will serve many people well. Either as they figure out what they like and want to wear, or just as a shortcut to being dressed better than average but not hugely creatively/fashionably.
I'm ready to put the work in, I just don't know where to really start. From the moment you wake up to the moment you're in the shower improving your self care, I want a step by step guide I can work on to form an amazing self care routine, then I can work on fashion and fits. My thoughts are a little disorganized so bare with me here, I've been watching the "Real men, Real style" videos on YouTube, and while they seem informative, the info is kind of all over the place and I don't want to dish out $500 for his program. I will continue to do my own research on the discord here.
oh dude Real Men Real style is garbage
Don't trust anything where the method of instruction is based on making you feel worse about yourself.
their entire business plan is trying to convince dudes that they are unmasculine and "low value" so that those people will buy their "courses". They're grifters
What you’re watching is complete bullshit intended to make you feel bad so you give them money
This light be a good place to start, in the first paragraph it links back to two older guides that are helpful too: https://malefashionadvice.substack.com/p/how-the-basic-wardrobe-has-changed-de0
How the basic wardrobe has changed: a 2023 supplement to a 2016 MFA...
There are a lot of newcomers to MFA who don't know where to start, or, folks who used to read MFA back in 2013-2017 then get confused when the pieces that were touted as "timeless and classic" aren't seen as very fashionable today. The Building a Basic Wardrobe
I've heard of substack, never really clicked on it though. Thank you
We have lots of good articles on it for free
And there are tons of people here who have been on their own style journeys you can ask questions to
Don’t spend 500 dollars for some guy on YouTube to tell you to wear too small suits
give us 500 dollars for telling you to wear big pants instead
I'll explore
I feel for you man, and I respect fashion being part of your journey of self improvement. A big part of a self care routine is self so someone here can't just prescribe you something. Look at fits in the https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1116800072093532191 thread, see what you like, play around with some of your own clothes if you're inspired
And definitely out of the purview of this discord but go easy on yourself. No one is low status
Agreed with all of this! One thing as well is you don't need to change everything at once. One of the most important things is feeling comfortable in what you are wearing, so it's 100% worth spending time truly taking in inspiration, deciding what you like and don't like and going from there, rather than trying to buy a whole wardrobe overhaul at once
Yeah, I am a bit impulsive that way, I went to the thrift store after donating a bunch of old clothes, and I picked up another 12 pieces
We've all been there, trust me!
I currently have the white tees on the basic bastards chart, I picked up some George medium sized tees from Walmart like a month ago? Thoughts on the brand and how they fit?
We can't tell how they fit without seeing a picture of you wearing them.
Different people fit different brands.
Oh ok. Tonight! If I remember lol
you will probably want to make a new thread
or post in #styling-suggestions
but I'd say that most clothing from Walmart is not worth buying
Thanks for your help, I've been trying to do it all alone, these life changes but now I know there is help out there, I'll post in #styling-suggestions later
Just want to mention again that the channel here #fashion-guides is an amazing resource, scroll up to number 1. in the list for a great intro guide of where to start
The 'Developing Personal Style' one can be really useful too!
this is an interesting question. not exactly the same, but in my younger days i was a very shy and low self-esteem individual and basically did a full 180 through the course of maybe 6-12 months. very little of it had anything to do with fashion, other than doing some stuff to get comfortable enough to wear what i like without worry about others' opinions and judgement. it did take a lot of stepping outside of my comfort zone (a lot of fake it til you make it) but ultimately it led to monumental personal improvements in my life. obviously the approach i took isnt going to be everyones cup of tea but i'd be happy to share some of the things i did to get me to where i am today
What did you do?
I don't mean to derail fashion talk, but yeah I've made a lot of changes myself the last 3 months that have lead to rapid changes. I've been single for 3 months after I ended a 4 year relationship and I feel ready to up my fashion game, continue working on myself and get back out there. I described a bit in my post in #introductions but my dms are open (I think??) If anyone ever wants to chat more about self improvement and growth. I'm always listening and looking for feedback
As well as style talk
in a nutshell, training myself to understand that most people are too engrossed in their own lives to care or give a second thought to my appearance, doing stuff that forced myself to engage in conversation with strangers, and probably the biggest thing was shedding the victim mentality and taking accountability for everything in my life. i dont want to take this too off-topic but i can go into more detail in dm if anyone is interested
The biggest thing you can give yourself for growth is time. Don’t try to rush development of style and self. Both of things take time and experience. It’s too easy to want to get to the end point without having to do the learning and experience.
Just hopping in to say: good on you for figuring out changes you want to make. As Billiams says, this sort of thing takes time and patience, but identifying things you want to change is a huge step in personal growth! Be kind to yourself while you figure things out
The biggest piece of advice, and I'm echoing many people in this thread, is: Be kind to yourself. It starts with the core idea that you're a good person worth love, especially your own. Don't do it everything at once, don't put pressure on yourself to maximize every second of your life, and don't buy anything with the thought that it'll magically cure you. Many of the most effective methods of self-improvement can be done with free materials or stuff you already have.
You describe in your post on #introductions that you're journaling and doing yoga. Great!
I would try to avoid phrases like "low-staus"
You're right! I just get side tracked very easily by such things, it's all confidence and putting my best foot forward
yeah this was similar to the path i took when i was in high school during quarantine. i didn't have a particularly low self esteem but i wasn't comfortable either—i kinda just wasn't a person yet. i stumbled upon a pretty experimental look that i REALLY loved and spent the next year or so building up the confidence and wardrobe to wear that kinda stuff. there is no cheat code to develop confidence but in my experience it helps a lot to have some sort of goal, even if it ends up looking totally difference once you get there
the day to day challenge is to simply walk out of the house wearing whatever dumb outfit i thought up the previous day. if you surround yourself with the right people you'll realize that looking normal matters way less than you think it does. i generated a lot of sureness in how i move throughout the world from that realization
it's more relevant to experimental fashion than traditional menswear but my rule of thumb is that if ur not cringing at ur fits from a year ago ur doing it wrong
being comfortable with not always making the best aesthetic decisions is super super important & is something u can carry to other parts of ur life
That's a great mentality. My wardrobe is kinda boring. Dark denim Levi's jeans with medium black crew tees, I also wore a lot of overly big band tees, I decided to donate pretty much all of them and keep a few for pajama shirts
i was similar. all i wore were dad jeans and a t shirt/hoodie. i then got into pretty basic streetwear which was also not super stylish but it got my foot in the door and taught me how to thrift. the difference was really just surrounding myself with as much inspiration as possible from as many sources as possible!
u can do this
I need to do more reading
for me it wasn't reading but just looking at r/malefashion (rip, kinda) and being like "ooooh i like that fit" and saving it to my computer. though, reading is much more common in menswear where it's not completely vibes based lol
all i say when looking at fit pics is don't get bogged down in "i could never pull that off," not pulling shit off until one day u can is literally the point
That's a good idea, what do you think of the GQ magazines and articles for inspiration?
i have a couple of gq magazines on my dresser! less familiar with their articles. it's very designer-leaning so think of ways u can approximate looks & silhouettes with things u already have / can get relatively easily and cheaply
if u get to the point where u can spend more on unique stuff then go for it
Well not really, I'll have to settle for BB, which is also quite good
I need some self control with my budget though, and build up wardrobe gradually, I want it to happen overnight, and I'm happy knowing that I'm aware I'm an impulsive spender so I can make the changes necessary to take my time
good approach