Giving advice - Topic of the day 2/12/24
trying to get fashion help can feel like drinking out of a fire hose. What tips do you have for giving good advice, both here and in real life?
34 Replies
People ask for advice to feel loved, not to see how much of a clothes nerd you are. Keeping this in mind can be tough but it's by far the most important thing for giving advice in person or online
just remember that 99% of people are not bad faith actors and when it comes to clothes it's understandable when people have tons of pre-conceived notions that have been reinforced by people around them
Try to find something good in what the other person is saying, and acknowledge it.
And be honest about whether your advice is something that's generally accepted, or the current fashion, or just, like, your opinion, man.
Personally I just usually have to ask myself whether or not I actually have something to say or if I just want to yap. If I have to think of an answer too much, I just don't say anything, cause then I realize, I just want to yap.
In my opinion, the first step, and related to what beans said, is figuring out what the actual question is
The question that is asked and the question that they want answered are often not the same
And you have to understand what someone is actually looking for to understand how to help them find it
This is so true. I've now seen multiple instances of confusion about the meaning of "dress shirt"
A lot of times you get a lot of value (especially irl) from letting people yap and occasionally asking clarifying questions
On top of that given how discord is structured it just really goes off the rails since people add onto the tangentially related discussion that isn't exactly what the question is asking.
Know when to engage and when to give up
That’s why I always want more pictures or more context, there’s so much that can be gleaned from just a little more information
Yeah big thing is also learning how to take advice
I tend to be able to tell when someone is going to piss me off regardless of if its intentional so I try to not bother with those threads
Also searching for it as well, asking where the advice giver is coming from
I hate giving advice in discord because I never feel like I have enough information to work with
Yeah this is important too, like if a person isn’t actually interested in advice you can spend a lot of time giving it to a brick wall
I can think of some recent examples of this.
But often I think it’s possible to convince people that they actually could use the advice if you’re willing to go through the effort of working from where they started from
It’s just a lot more work
I think it’s easy to give good advice when the questions are specific. Otherwise it takes effort to pull specifics out
One thing that is usually unsaid and leads to bad advice is goals. This is true in style, fitness, personal finance/investing and just about every hobby
A lot of starting advice can be very broad and basic but it fits the majority of peoples goals. Start with the Basic wardrobe, invest in index funds, start walking and do any sort of weightlifting. This advice works for beginners in those three areas but I think to the person seeking the advice it can seem boring and basic. The trick is convincing them that their current goals align with the generic advice right now.
Or figuring out their more specific goal which can lead to more specific advice.
Stuff like I’m into this aesthetic and I am looking for more inspiration or pieces that fit into this budget. I’m looking to train for my first race/powerlifting meet/triathlon. I inherited x amount of money and this is my risk tolerance. All these questions and goals lead to more specific advice.
This is an important point. it took awhile for me to accept that I was basic enough for the basic bastard
I think it might be helpful for some people to the Basic Bastard not as a list of big these things and you will be stylish but as a jumping off point to experiment and find a style.
Derek Guy has a similar thing but calls it a Springboard Wardrobe and he frames it as a set of good basic pierces that can go with a lot of items and aesthetics. The basic foundation allows for experimentation without buying all new clothes every time.
My other bit of "technical" advice is to focus on pictures. Words say nothing. Getting someone to dig thru even google images and sending pics of examples you like is was better than "I'd wear this with $pants and $shirt". With a massive preference to the clothes actually being worn instead of flat lays or product pics
I think flat lays are almost useless in general
I like vibes, but it's definitely not a fit
knowing context helps as well - a high schooler wanting dress shirt recs isn't gonna buy directly from drake's (probably)
sort of adjacent to this - as someone who recommends ebay a lot im starting to think its not that helpful? like a person new to clothes or asking a one off question is not going to spend hours scouring ebay for the perfect garm. I'm also picky so maybe it doesn't take that long for others
I think recommending eBay can be helpful to present as an option. Some people might not have considered it. And if you recommend specific searches or terms that are easy to sift through it can be quicker.
And it can be presented as an option if they want to save money but have time.
as a practical measure most people's questions (especially if budget is a concern) are answered by looking up things on ebay
adjacent to the point though - how much advice is too much? some questions require far more intensive answers but given how subjective fashion is, i find there's a risk of people just copying people's recommendations rather than thinking about how to apply it to their own life
theres a disconnect cuz most of the people answering treat fashion as a hobby and not all the askers do or plan to
if copying recommendations is as much as they want to engage with fashion thats ok
it's like when puma told that guy who said he didn't know what clothes or inspo he liked to go digging on ebay for vintage prl stuff
I think an advantage of eBay is that you get to see a huge variety of stuff, and it also sort of forces you to think about what you actually like, as opposed to what's fashionable, because by definition you aren't buying the latest fashions brand-new.
And it's a relatively inexpensive way to experiment and screw up. And, guaranteed, you are going to screw up sometimes, whether you buy new or used.
But, yeah, it can be pretty PRL-centric, because there's so much of that out there.
But I still think "eBay" is excellent advice...for me, anyway.
I agree, eBay and MTM are two tough recs from me. The catch is that folks often want something super duper good but for no money and honestly just scrolling ebay a few times with random search terms is probably easier for a lot of folks
On the other hand stop recommending PRL andrews to people with a 32 waist 😡
Why? Too gigantic?
(It’s his size)
Oh lol. I'm a bit slow
And sensitive after gsh took me to task for recommending the WRONG SHOES. 😂