I swear I've read https://developers.cloudflare.com/workers/static-assets/routing/ several times an

I swear I've read https://developers.cloudflare.com/workers/static-assets/routing/ several times and also thrown it into perplexity to see if it'll help explain my situation but I feel like the actual experience is different from the documentation.

From the documentation, it seems like requests to static pages (i.e. "dashboard" should not be hitting a worker but tails and baselime show that it does). In addition i'm suspecting that for whatever reason that this sometimes causes several hundred ms of CPU usage
Cloudflare Docs
How Workers assets' routing and its configuration works.
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